This is a post I don’t know how to write. Imagine that. I’ve published six books and edited multiple books for others, and yet I don’t know how to verbalize what needs to go in a simple blog post. My mind has been running a hundred miles an hour for days on end, so give me a moment to pull those thoughts together and express why what I’m about to tell you even needs to be in a post from FTN.
On February 2nd, some physical symptoms my mom had been experiencing came to a head. We went into Same Day Care and from there to the emergency room. By the time Mom had been checked into a hospital room the word we all dread hearing had been spoken more than once. The following week, we found out there was a 99% chance that Mom had colon cancer. This has since been confirmed. The month of February was full of tests and appointments and a LOT of waiting.
The good news is that the cancer appears to be contained to the colon. The cysts in the pancreas appear to be just that—cysts. While the doctors will continue to watch these cysts in the months to come, we’re very relieved to know that for now there is no cancer there. We do not know yet what stage the cancer is, nor do we know if Mom will need to have chemotherapy following her surgery, which is scheduled for Monday, March 11th.
But we do know that God knows all the things we don’t know, and there is great peace in that.
I’ve delayed writing or posting to Facebook about any of this because of all the uncertainty, the questions we didn’t have answers to, and because I wanted to respect Mom’s need to process things before speaking about it in public. But during this time, you may have noticed a lack of Facebook presence, blog posts, and emails in general, especially after all that we shared during the Green Bean Project. This is why things have been so quiet. Not because Mom’s cancer is all we have to talk about but because of the effect this situation has had on every aspect of life. And, this is why I felt this letter was necessary, not just on a personal level but also on a ministry level.
Cancer Affects Everything
I’m learning that cancer affects every area of life. At present, in addition to the ministry of FTN, I also work a part-time job, do the bookkeeping at church, teach two Sunday School classes, and have still been writing books (very slowly). Every single one of these areas has been affected. And yet, God has done so many gracious things.
- I’ve missed days, or large portions of days, at work, and yet He has given the strength to make up the hours at other times so that my hours have not dipped below the minimum I’m supposed to work.
- I’ve missed church services, including Sunday School classes, but, from things I’ve seen and heard, God had a special plan for those times and for the kids in those classes.
- We’ve had to cancel and postpone things at FTN, things I did NOT want to cancel or postpone, but I have a peace that God has a plan for this as well.
There were seven of us at Bible study today. Our borrowed table in the community conference room was full. A preschooler shuffled about the room on her knees, pretending to be a puppy. A five-dollar bouquet of roses brought a bright touch of celebration to the occasion (International Women’s Day). We discussed the importance of letting the Word saturate us like water in a sponge. So that, when that sponge (our life) is squeezed, the Word first springs to our hearts, minds, and mouths before fear and doubt and questions. So that when we are squeezed by trials or heartaches we are squeezed closer to God rather than pushed away from Him.
We always close with prayer requests. As I shared about Mom’s upcoming surgery, one of the women looked at me with great compassion and said, “Will anyone
Perhaps then, you can understand the agony of the process of deciding to cancel two outreach events and postpone another by two to three months. But it is unavoidable at this time. I have known in my heart for a long time that FTN is at a point of growth, which combined with all my other responsibilities is too much for one person. But the current situation has made it glaringly obvious. I have been and am paring back wherever possible, but even if I could drop everything else today, I could not provide alone what is needed at FTN. I’ve said it before, but I hope you will stop and really listen and pray this time around:
FTN needs you.
We need your HANDS and your FEET! We need the wisdom God has given you. Wisdom, which you could share with the women and children we are reaching out to. And yes, we need you to GIVE, to invest in the work that God has put before all of us. We need your PRAYER! That is an excellent place to start.
So, this is a post to ask for your prayer:
- Prayer for my Mom (Candy Miller) as she has surgery on Monday and for all the steps that will follow. For wisdom for the doctors and for healing.
- For strength in all the other areas of work, ministry, and life where I am involved—physical, mental, emotional, and especially spiritual.
- For God’s protection, support, and strengthening of this ministry even when we’ve had to throw the brakes on so many things.
- (Longer term) Prayer for local workers who can help us maintain our current outreach and develop new outreach so that the majority of the work is not dependent on one or two people. (We’ll be setting up a worker’s meeting later this spring. If you’re interested in helping, contact me here.)
- (Longer term) Prayer for additional financial partners so that we can both expand what we are already doing and move away from having to maintain additional work outside of FTN.
I am so grateful to all who have already wrapped their arms of prayer around our family (and FTN) at this time, and I ask you to please continue. We may have just a little while to go, we may have a long road—only the Lord knows. But one thing I know is that we need an army of prayer warriors lifting us up before the throne, and I thank you with all of my heart for choosing to be a part of that army.
